Chapter 166: My Idiot! (II)
“My consciousness gradually vanished, my senses dulled. At that time, I was a three year-old kid who didn’t even know what ‘despair’ was, but I felt like the inside of my body was as cold as that cave. I hate them! I hate great-grandfather, I hate father, I hate mother! I hate everyone! Why, why did they have to discard me in that kind of place?!”
At this point, Cai’er was already bathed in tears. Long Haochen would never have expected that she would actually have this kind of experience. To a three year-old kid, how painful and miserable was it? No wonder… No wonder Cai’er is always so cold. Everything actually originated from that time.
Long Haochen only felt that his heart was in pain. He used force to embrace Cai’er, holding her closely. He wanted to transmit his body’s warmth to her, so as to influence her body and the ice in her heart.
Cai’er similarly held him closer, her heart breaking out in fear and feeling as if she had just returned to that gloomy moist place that was only cold and dark, to the extent that her fingernail were digging into the flesh of Long Haochen’s back, her body shaking over and over. For a long time she was unable to calm down at all.
“From that instant onwards, father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, and great-grandfather, those were nothing more than names. I hate them, and will not regard them as relatives. For their selfishness, I hate them. Even if what they did was for the sake of the whole Temple Alliance. Did they… Did they think about my feelings? Starting from that instant, I was no longer their relative, but merely an ice-cold weapon, a weapon with the possibility of dealing more destruction than anything else.”
Cai’er spoke up once again, perhaps because of the warmth coming from Long Haochen’s body or from the fact that a part of the ice in her had dissolved. Her body’s shivers gradually calmed down, but her voice was just as scornful as previously, filled with sadness and wrath.
She kept these words in her heart for more than ten years already, and now that she was able to tell someone else everything she had kept suppressed, she felt that her heart was somewhat more peaceful.
“After seven days, seven entire days, as I was about to faint, I saw a black figure appearing like a ball of fog and digging into my body. Consumed by despair, I sank into absolute solitude. Then, I lost all awareness of the surroundings.
When I awoke from that ice-cold world, my ‘family members’ were surrounding me with astonished faces. Then, I heard them speak of the Spiritual Stove of Samsara and the Dagger of Samsara. At that moment, a black lump and a dagger were put in my body. On that same day, I lost my sense of smell. And later, I learned that, this time, I had lost consciousness for a total of two years. When I awoke, I was already five years old.”
Long Haochen breathed in astonishment, “Was it the power you used the other day?”
Cai’er nodded lightly, “Spiritual Stove of Samsara, ranked first among all spiritual stoves. Attack-type. Before me, a single person possessed it. That person belonged to a former generation of our Assassin Temple. Relying on this spiritual stove, he raided the Demon God Emperor, the first ranked demon god. In the end, that Scion of Samsara died by the hands of the Demon God Emperor, but the latter also died soon after and the next Demon God Emperor succeeded him. During that time of crisis for the Alliance, that event managed to stall for some precious time.”
At that moment, Cai’er seemed to have calmed down, though her grip on Long Haochen’s body was still tight. The sensation of her bottom sitting on Long Haochen’s thigh made him almost forget the sadness he was feeling because of her.
“The Spiritual Stove of Samsara is extremely powerful. Especially with the divine artifact ‘Dagger of Samsara’, it has more killing power that you can even imagine. The Scion of Samsara that lived in those days, after having just reached the ninth step, had already confronted the Demon God Emperor whose internal spiritual energy was nearing 1,000,000 when his own internal spiritual energy had not even reached 200,000. Just by relying on the Spiritual Stove of Samsara and the Dagger of Samsara alone, he managed to drag this Demon God Emperor to the other side with him, becoming the greatest hero of our Assassin Temple.
However, cultivating the Spiritual Stove of Samsara comes with a tremendous cost.” At this point, Cai’er’s mood seemed a lot darker.
“To get the approval of the Spiritual Stove of Samsara and the Dagger of Samsara, possessing the physique of Samsara is the first prerequisite. It requires an assassin to have an internal spiritual energy surpassing 90. Under the effects of the Spiritual Stove of Samsara, my internal spiritual energy had even surpassed the peak level of 100. To fully use the real power of the Spiritual Stove of Samsara, in addition to endlessly training, the body is also subject to continuous trials which can go as far as to be called ‘torture’. From that day onwards, my five senses were disabled in turns.
First, it was the sense of smell, the sense of hearing, and then the sense of taste. And in this process, the most horrible time was when I lost my sense of touch and couldn’t feel anything. At that time, when I could neither feel or grasp anything, I could not even control my body and was laid down in a cold place for two entire years before finally recovering. Then the most recent one I lost was the sense of sight. And because of that, I am currently blind.”
As she spoke, Cai’er withdrew her hand from Long Haochen’s back, softly fondling his face.
Deep inside, Long Haochen was shaking. All along, he knew that his path of cultivation was not only reliant on his innate talent, but also on great effort. But compared to Cai’er’s experience, how much could his own efforts be worth? To achieve her present results, just how much torture did Cai’er have to endure!?
“Several times, I was close to being unable to stand it any longer. Particularly at that time and place when I could not even move the slightest bit for two and a half years, I really had gone crazy. At that time, I no longer held any attachment to life. Having been tormented to such an extent was even worse than death! But when that thought appeared, the silhouette of a little idiot appeared in my heart. One without the slightest capability, but who protected me with his body and life. Facing an incomparably powerful enemy, this idiot stepped forward bravely, willing to stake everything to protect me whom he had just met moments before.
And it was precisely that fool that left a seed of warmth in me. With the warmth this seed brought me, I finally felt some longing for life, looking forward to the day I’d be able to pay back that debt. It was that anticipation that helped me persevere. Every time I was unable to bear the Spiritual Stove of Samsara’s aftereffects anymore, I would think of that idiot who said he would protect me at that time when I lost my voice together with my sense of taste.
That idiot was you. That kind-hearted idiot. My idiot.”
At this point, tears flowed from Cai’er’s eyes once again. The difference was that, this time, they weren’t tears of pain and sadness anymore, but these ones were only filled with… warmth and happiness.
Long Haochen replied blankly, “You… You were the little girl from that time?”
Cai’er’s grief suddenly turned into happiness, “You really are an idiot! If not for the fact that I recognized you, why would I have let you see me off on that day?”
Long Haochen was completely surprised, “But after we have grown up, I could not even recognize you! How is it that you recognized me?”
Cai’er softly stroked the forget-me-not ring on his hand, “That day, you seemed to have put your weapon back into a ring. At the moment I was about to leave, I suddenly felt the energy fluctuations coming from the forget-me-not ring.”
I had been wearing it since I was young, so I am incredibly familiar in regard to it. Afterwards, it was to check if it really was this ring that I let you take my hand. Then, after I even asked what your name was, how could I not know that you were that idiot? For you to have wanted to help me, a blind girl you didn’t even know, you are still as kind-hearted as before.”
“So it was like that. I wondered why your attitude had changed so suddenly that day.” Long Haochen came to a realization.
Cai’er said serenely, “I really didn’t expect that I would get to see you so quickly. Originally, I wanted to overcome the last trial of the Spiritual Stove of Samsara before looking for you. I didn’t know how much you would have changed, but still,I wanted to return the warmth you gave me that day. But you appeared before me so suddenly. Perhaps it was fate.
Did you know? Those times were the happiest of my life. To wait every day for you to escort me, to walk on this short road, led along by you. The seed of warmth in my heart seemed to be sprout, and that day you said you would protect me for a lifetime, I knew that I was finally not alone anymore. As long as I could be by your side, I would have the feeling that I am actually a person and not a killing weapon.”
“Of course you are not a weapon, you are a person. You are my Cai’er.” Long Haochen held her tightly, as if afraid to lose her.
Cai’er shut both eyes, still leaning on Long Haochen’s bosom and warmed up by his body. Her breathing gradually calmed down; she seemed to fall asleep in Long Haochen’s embrace.
Curling up in Long Haochen’s bosom, she was sleeping peacefully, sparkling teardrops flowing down from her long eyelashes, her pale face seemingly colored pink which signified warmth, and the corners of her mouth revealing a smile of satisfaction.
She was deep asleep, to such an extent that she didn’t even show the slightest reaction when Long Haochen gently lifted her up to the bed. After that, Long Haochen was planning on leaving but Cai’er’s grip was tight, too tight. In the end, he was unwilling to leave her like that. Looking at her serene sleeping face, Long Haochen felt greatly at ease.
He prudently pulled Cai’er’s hand before taking her soft body in his arms and pulling the blanket over her, then laid down by her side, with the blanket separating the two of them This way, the two youths wouldn’t have excessive body contact. He didn’t want, in any way, to hurt Cai’er the slightest bit, even if it was just being embarrassed from when she’d wake up.
Cai’er’s thirst for Long Haochen’s warmth had already surpassed his own attachment to training.
He wanted to give her this warmth.
Gently kissing her forehead, he declared, “I will be your idiot forever.”
When looking for a partner, one should look for everlasting feelings, for gentle feelings, for straightforward feelings, for feelings that makes them willing to commit. This factor will forever remain more valuable than money. To me, the perfect situation is when a person has accompanied the other throughout their growth. It doesn’t depend on how much money that person can make, but in how that person can make your lives move forward, together, side by side.